Blog Every Day In May : Day 8 "My Advice on Friends & Being Yourself"

As part of the Blog Every Day in May challenge, today's brief is 

Day 8, Wednesday: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.

My daughter is just twelve years old & last September she started her new secondary school.

It hasn't been the easiest of rides.

I have written about it on my blog recently, suffice to say that I spend most of my time these days wondering how to make things better, thinking of words of wisdom, advice that will stand her in good stead and help her cope.... 

It's been my hardest parenting challenge to date, by far....

a lot of the time, I have no idea myself how to handle certain situations....

sometimes I've had to tell her this.

On the one hand I want her to be reassured that whatever else happens, I will handle it....

but on the other hand, I've also had to admit that at times I too am stumped/upset/angry/disappointed....

but, whatever happens, we will handle it together, side by side.

I don't recall being given specifically wonderful words of advice although I've had plenty of support in my life.

But I love a good quote or saying and plenty of those flow through my mind on a daily basis.

As well as some issues at school, my daughter has taken one step nearer to the big wide world and for that I need to prepare her & she needs to prepare herself.

Some days I feel as though everything I say should be words of wisdom, things she will remember all her life, sentences that will spring to the forefront of her mind at the exact time she requires them....

as she struggles with self-esteem, peer pressure, bullying, adolescence, puberty and simply finding out who she really is, the main message that I keep coming back to, as we talk together is....

be yourself.

Even during the nine months that they have been at their new school, friendships have apparently changed every week, sometimes even more frequently.

They are all trying to fit in, find their own place, stay part of the group yet still be their own person.

She's been surprised by people - in both good & bad ways.

It's such a challenging time.

I have seen her trying to be cool, trying to impress, trying to fit in, trying to be kind, being rejected, being made fun of, making good friends, making bad friends, changing her outfits to look better/slimmer/cooler/taller/shorter/cleverer, you name it.

It takes years, sometimes forever, to work out that the best - and only - thing to do is be yourself, and this has been the piece of advice that I come back most frequently during my conversations with her.

It is virtually impossible to keep up the facade of being something you are not, plus it is exhausting to keep re-inventing yourself continually.

If they like you, they will like you whatever....

True friends will....

make you feel that you can say anything you want out loud to them, you can share

not judge you on the shape & quality of your eyebrows
care what happened

not snigger at the best-shoes-in-the-world-that-you-got-for-your-birthday-yesterday

not take credit for something that actually you did

be happy for your success, not resentful of it

not engineer situations that will make you look stupid

not talk or laugh about you behind your back

always be happy to see you

appreciate you

not yell you that your legs look fat in those jeans

not want to see you hurt
not want to change parts of you, they will accept you for what you are
want to walk to class with you, not pretend they don't know you
laugh with you, not at you
link arms regardless of who is watching
will have your back
will not listen to or support unkind comments about you
love you for what you already are
reciprocate
listen
share
care

A friend won't want you to compromise any aspects of yourself, they will allow & encourage you to be exactly what you already are.
They will help & support your growth, not be jealous of it.

Be yourself....that will always be good enough.
And if someone doesn't like what you are, then find yourself someone who does.
There is someone out there for everyone, you might not find them immediately but you will.
No one who loves you will ever ask you to compromise yourself.
Don't bend yourself to fit someone else's idea of what is right/best/cool/acceptable.
If you continually make yourself like others, or what you think you should be, you will continually. be chasing the impossible & chances are they won't notice anyway.