Lend Me Your Ear....

where to start?

well, possibly by saying the last few weeks have been bursting at the seams with "stuff"

life, children, surprises, good news, bad news, change, fun, drama, family....

stuff followed by more stuff

i am writing it down in an attempt to organise my mind :)

some horrible things happened. 

to make it worse these things were within my family.

trust was broken. respect destroyed. words said that shouldn't have been said.

accusations & lies. things that i would never put up with from a friend.

irreparable damage.

the kind of situations/events/conversations that you run & re-run at 2am when you wake up thinking about them.

i was surprised. i was hurt. i was sad.

but i was also furious. 

i have way more respect for myself than to ever let myself be treated in that way.

i have distanced myself from the people involved & the situation.

i am certainly wiser and i will - very soon - be stronger.

i remain disappointed though.

what have i learnt?

that i have really amazing girlfriends who don't judge, roll their eyes or back off.

instead they nod their heads, listen & know exactly the right things to say.

that sometimes people just don't want to hear what you have to say. 

even when you (& they) know that you are right.

that sometimes you can talk until you are blue in the face, say the same thing a million different ways - but if someone doesn't want to hear you, then your words fall on deaf ears.

that friends are absolutely the people you choose to have in your life.

that some people do not deserve to be part of your life. even if they are family.

that sometimes the people who treat you the worst are your family.

that bad/mean/selfish/intolerable behaviour is never acceptable and no one deserves to have that in their lives.

that if you wouldn't put up with it from a friend, there is no reason that you need to put up with bad behaviour when it comes from a family member.

people can only behave towards you in the way in which you allow them to behave.

that people don't essentially change and that's okay, you can move on.

leave them where they want to be.

that you can only be responsible for yourself, you are not responsible for others.

their bad behaviour & actions are their fault, not yours.
however much they attempt to blame you. 

that i really hate drama & confrontation!

that sometimes (and with some people) even if you don't get to say the stuff that needs to be said & that you want to say - it's okay.

keep those thoughts in your head, take the high road & hold on really tight to what you know is right. 

that i am very good at packing things/events/actions in a box & putting it to the back of my head - sometimes, it's essential to get it all out, talk it out & leave it right there in the coffee shop.

that sometimes being the "normal" & the "it's-alright-for-you" person in your family is hard work.

it's only "alright for me" because i work hard & live a respectful, considered, considerate life in which thinking of others is essential. not optional.

trust your instincts because generally people do behave in the way you expect them or the way you know they will. 

that actually it's not my job to "fix" you - you're an adult, you fix it.   

 and so i move on. as you have to.

i am still the same person i was before.

i have great clarity about what is right & what is wrong.

wrong is always wrong - there aren't degrees of it.

i believe that when people do bad stuff, deep down somewhere in their hearts they know it and sooner or later, they will admit it to themselves & the regret & remorse will be theirs.

not mine.

there are actually more important things in life & i am a great believer in perspective.

two weeks ago a good friend shared the news that she is fighting breast cancer.

she has four children, two of them the same ages as mine.
she is just two years old than me.

she is brave, strong, determined, inspiring.

my issues of the last month seem like nothing in comparison.

they are nothing in comparison.

her issues are truly life & death stuff.

scary. really scary.

life. it's a real challenge sometimes

thank you for listening.

it's better now.