"Follow Your Intuition As Best You Can & Try To Be Brave...."

"follow your intuition as best as you can & try to be brave...."

 I read those words in a magazine interview a few weeks ago....

they leapt off the page at me & have continued to stick in my mind.

In fact, I wrote them down and they have been my mantra over the past week or so.

I recently wrote here and here about issues that my daughter is having at school.

She is being bullied at school.

It's been unbelievably awful & the effect on her & her personality has been huge.

As has the effect on the daily lives of our family....

I feel as though I have thought of and dealt with nothing else for weeks now.

I've cried a great deal, I've eaten a lot of chocolate & I've had days where I have felt paralysed with worry, fear, failure & confusion. 

I'd like to say that everything has been sorted out & we've moved on....

but it's too soon for that.

Her school has been brilliant, she has great teachers who have been incredibly supportive....

we are all, slowly but surely, widening and strengthening the safety net beneath her....

beginning the process of rebuilding her.

As an adult, I can see the bigger picture and I know that even the worst times pass....

but being powerless to help your own child and, knowing the distress and fear that is behind the brave face they put on as they leave for school each morning, has to be one of the most hideous experiences ever.

I know that moving forward will be a slow process & I also know that we have all been slightly damaged by this.

She wasn't singled out or picked on by her enemies....

she was bullied by people she believed to be her friends. 

She trusted & the trust was broken and abused.

I worry that this experience will harden her & lessen her faith in people.

I worry that I didn't prepare her enough, that I didn't make her stronger & more resilient.

I worry about the damage to her that even I cannot see.

I worry that even as an adult, she will remember these awful times.

I worry that it will change her as a person, that's she lost something she can't ever get back.

I am almost always positive to a fault but this episode has certainly challenged me, possibly more than anything else in my life. Ever.

Thank goodness that I have my own safety net, my ever-present support network of friends....

and, as often happens, help sometimes arrives from the most unexpected places.

What I have learned....

* act and don't delay

* share information, share everything, don't hold back

* be very very patient

* do not be afraid to ask for help, from friends & from experts

* your child will take out a lot of this (if not all of it) on someone, it may very well be you - this is miserable but necessary. It will pass....

* your sweet, kind, loving, quiet & gentle child may become angry, aggressive, difficult, moody and unrecognisable at times - bullying does this to people. It will pass....

* some days & moments, you will feel completely useless, you will blame yourself, your child will blame you too....these days are just horrible. They will pass....

* at times your home, that you have strived so hard to fill with nothing but love, comfort & happiness, may feel like a battleground with nothing but walking wounded everywhere. It will pass....

  

* stay strong and do whatever you need to keep yourself that way....

don't bottle it up, you need to talk about this to someone too.

* it can happen to anyone. do not blame yourself, hard though that is.

*bullying is tough on & affects everyone - the victim and their family.

* if you need professional help - therapy or counselling - go & get it, 

it's a good thing, nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

And so, we move forward....hopefully to better things.

I am determined that next week will be a better week, for all of us.

As adults we are supposed to be brave, not to be scared of anything.....

sometimes that's a challenge but it's also sometimes the only option.

I remain absolutely determined to fix this.