Day 30 : Letting Go

Day 30 of the Blog Every Day in May challenge

"React to this term : Letting Go" 

What does this mean to me....?

it means living your own life, not someone else's idea of what your life should be

it means letting go of those things (and those people) that you cannot control

it means being true to yourself

it means taking stock from time to time, working out what you really want & what really makes you happy

it means not weighing yourself down with negative thoughts & negative people

it means getting rid of the mental, physical & emotional clutter in your life....often

it means moving on....

"don't look back, you're not going that way" 

Things I've Learned That School Didn't Teach Me....

Day 23 of The Challenge :

"Things You've Learned That School Won't Teach You"

if you're not happy it just isn't worth it....in love or in life

don't be afraid to say no. Equally....don't be afraid to say yes

at 18 you might not know what you want to be.....

by 30 or even 40, you still might not know....that's okay.

You will have go along many paths, you will learn something from them all (even if it might not feel like it at the time) and eventually you will find your thing

some people are not meant to be your friends forever....

people do change, you will change

sometimes it's okay to move on. it happens.

the people that are meant to move on with you, do

just because you were a sad or unhappy child does not mean you will be a sad or unhappy grown up. life does get better 

if you get the chance to travel or to have an adventure, always always say yes. always.

good grades & university degrees are wonderful things

so are kindness, thoughtfulness and respect

things don't stay the same, change is good, it's healthy

there is a special place for mean people

they might seem to get away with the bad behaviour now but you wait & see.

it's called karma   

  

do not spend your time focusing on pleasing others....

it's a waste of time & chances are they won't notice anyway.

it is YOU that needs to be happy with your decisions or your work

life is short, make the most of it....

everyone tells you that, it's so true

if you love them, tell them....

friends, parents, children, boyfriends, husbands

do not wait until the time is perfect, you have all your ducks in a row, the right amount of money in the bank or are the perfect weight....

that time will never come.

if you are already thinking about it, then now is the time you should be doing it.

if you feel it's wrong or it's not for you, then it most probably is....

our instinct is rarely wrong, trust it

it might seem that everyone else in the world has it all mapped out, but believe me, they really don't. if you went back and talked to those girls at school who seemed to know everything, you'd probably find that they were just as scared and unsure as you, they thought & worried about the same as you.

it will be exactly the same throughout life....most people have the same hopes, dreams & fears.

it is NOT just you....

Blog Every Day In May : Day 8 "My Advice on Friends & Being Yourself"

As part of the Blog Every Day in May challenge, today's brief is 

Day 8, Wednesday: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.

My daughter is just twelve years old & last September she started her new secondary school.

It hasn't been the easiest of rides.

I have written about it on my blog recently, suffice to say that I spend most of my time these days wondering how to make things better, thinking of words of wisdom, advice that will stand her in good stead and help her cope.... 

It's been my hardest parenting challenge to date, by far....

a lot of the time, I have no idea myself how to handle certain situations....

sometimes I've had to tell her this.

On the one hand I want her to be reassured that whatever else happens, I will handle it....

but on the other hand, I've also had to admit that at times I too am stumped/upset/angry/disappointed....

but, whatever happens, we will handle it together, side by side.

I don't recall being given specifically wonderful words of advice although I've had plenty of support in my life.

But I love a good quote or saying and plenty of those flow through my mind on a daily basis.

As well as some issues at school, my daughter has taken one step nearer to the big wide world and for that I need to prepare her & she needs to prepare herself.

Some days I feel as though everything I say should be words of wisdom, things she will remember all her life, sentences that will spring to the forefront of her mind at the exact time she requires them....

as she struggles with self-esteem, peer pressure, bullying, adolescence, puberty and simply finding out who she really is, the main message that I keep coming back to, as we talk together is....

be yourself.

Even during the nine months that they have been at their new school, friendships have apparently changed every week, sometimes even more frequently.

They are all trying to fit in, find their own place, stay part of the group yet still be their own person.

She's been surprised by people - in both good & bad ways.

It's such a challenging time.

I have seen her trying to be cool, trying to impress, trying to fit in, trying to be kind, being rejected, being made fun of, making good friends, making bad friends, changing her outfits to look better/slimmer/cooler/taller/shorter/cleverer, you name it.

It takes years, sometimes forever, to work out that the best - and only - thing to do is be yourself, and this has been the piece of advice that I come back most frequently during my conversations with her.

It is virtually impossible to keep up the facade of being something you are not, plus it is exhausting to keep re-inventing yourself continually.

If they like you, they will like you whatever....

True friends will....

make you feel that you can say anything you want out loud to them, you can share

not judge you on the shape & quality of your eyebrows
care what happened

not snigger at the best-shoes-in-the-world-that-you-got-for-your-birthday-yesterday

not take credit for something that actually you did

be happy for your success, not resentful of it

not engineer situations that will make you look stupid

not talk or laugh about you behind your back

always be happy to see you

appreciate you

not yell you that your legs look fat in those jeans

not want to see you hurt
not want to change parts of you, they will accept you for what you are
want to walk to class with you, not pretend they don't know you
laugh with you, not at you
link arms regardless of who is watching
will have your back
will not listen to or support unkind comments about you
love you for what you already are
reciprocate
listen
share
care

A friend won't want you to compromise any aspects of yourself, they will allow & encourage you to be exactly what you already are.
They will help & support your growth, not be jealous of it.

Be yourself....that will always be good enough.
And if someone doesn't like what you are, then find yourself someone who does.
There is someone out there for everyone, you might not find them immediately but you will.
No one who loves you will ever ask you to compromise yourself.
Don't bend yourself to fit someone else's idea of what is right/best/cool/acceptable.
If you continually make yourself like others, or what you think you should be, you will continually. be chasing the impossible & chances are they won't notice anyway.

  

     

    

Blog Every Day in May :Day 4 - Quote for the Day

I love a good quote - as my Pinterest boards show - and Day 4 of the Blog Every Day In May challenge is to choose your favourite quote....

I am always really interested in hearing the wisdom & thoughts of others....

we may have different lives, but at the end of the day we all have similar worries, similar hopes & dreams....

if all that life offered you was health & happiness, you'd take it in a heartbeat wouldn't you?

I couldn't pick one quote....although the Nora Ephron quote I used here is one of my absolute favourites since I think it says so much about life and about how we often miss the moments & just don't realise how great they, or we, were.

I could have filled this post with Nora Ephron quotes actually :)

So I picked a dozen of my favourites....

those that represent what I feel about life, work & friendship....

Surround yourself with good people & good friends

Be with people who you can totally be yourself with

Do it now, life is short

Listen to your heart & mind, not someone else's

Be happy

Work hard

Day 2: Teach Me Something aka 25 Things That I Know For Sure

For the Blog Every Day in May challenge, the brief for Day 2 is

"to educate us something you know a lot about or are good at...."

I am competent & capable at many things....

I am brilliant at absolutely none of them!

The more I thought about this topic, the more Oprah's

"What I Know For Sure....." kept coming back to me.

So here are one or three things that I know for sure....

1. tea always tastes better made at home & served in a china cup

2. sometimes it is better to be kind, nice or generous than to be right

3. on the day you are about to visit the hair salon, you will be having a good hair day

4. you can never have too many books

5. as long as you are happy with your decision, that is what matters

6. freshly made bread, freshly mown grass, freshly ground coffee = best aromas in the world

7. some of my closest friends are people that I have met once or not at all....it really doesn't matter how you meet

8. knowing who you are & who you want to be are two of life's greatest challenges....but once you know, you know

9. just because they are family, does not mean you have to put up with their bad behaviour

10. some days, the beach is the only place to be....we all need space sometimes

11. be a good friend....listen hard, remember stuff, make time, be present. You'll get it all back in return, with interest

12. be kind to yourself, be gentle sometimes, be tough other times....listen to your head & heart.

You can't run on empty for too long, things will just fall apart

13. no one is perfect. no marriage is perfect - the key is to admit when you make mistakes. Apologise and make amends

14. it doesn't matter how many times you've seen them, Nora Ephron movies are the best and will always make you feel better....

15. any episode of "Friends" is guaranteed to make me laugh out loud....

Ross in leather trousers/throwing the awesome partay/at the tanning shop/getting his teeth whitened/doing "the routine" with Monica will be funny forever.

16. watching your children perform in just about anything will make you cry....I haven't been dry- eyed at any school event yet.

17. one minute your child is toddling, the next they are 12....focus on the moments, time really does fly by.

18. if you get to travel then do so, it will enrich your life like nothing else

19. if you are not happy in it or doing it, stop doing it....life really is too short

20. sometimes it's really hard to talk about stuff, but when you do it's always worth it....don't bottle it up.

21. making your own bread is really easy & it tastes so good....try it!

22. listening to Stevie Wonder will always make you feel better, I challenge you to do it without singing or dancing along

23. whether or not you wear make-up every day, look after your skin, it will really be worth it....

and finally....

25. to quote the brilliant Nora Ephron

“Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four.”

To follow me on Bloglovin, click here ....

          

Happy Week-end!

polka dot cake

Boston via here

The London Marathon takes place this week-end, always an inspiring & exciting event....

I'm pretty sure there won't be anyone who on Sunday won't be thinking of Boston....

of the runners, of the survivors & the injured and of those who lost their lives....

 My week-end in 10....

sunshine

coffee

walking

cricket

"Gone Girl"

Jamie Oliver's pasta with chickpeas

birthday cake planning

writing

conversation

sleep

I wish you a happy week-end....

Some lovely links....

A very fabulous LA family home....

The one thing every parent wants....

Chocolate truffle brownies....

A fabulously colourful NYC home....

Things I Wish I'd Known....

Europe in Nine Walks

"Because You Give Me Hugs & Kisses Every Night...."

I spotted the questions above on Pinterest some months back & thought it might be both fun & interesting to ask my children what their answers would be!

I've been fairly honest recently about the fact that this year I have been experiencing some challenging times as a parent....

I wrote about it here, here & here....

Life at home feels more than a little out of kilter right now....

and as well as managing the day to day ups & downs, I've had to ask myself some questions.

I've wondered why I haven't made my daughter more resilient & able to cope in tough situations, asked myself if I could have done more of or what I've done wrong.

I haven't been able to make it better - and that's a horrible & very tough feeling as a parent.

I've also held my hands up & confessed that I simply don't know what to do....

I'm still standing but I have had many days & moments when I freely admit that I don't have the answers. 

And that I don't feel I've actually coped with it all very well.

Thankfully, we've had a great deal of support which continues to be ongoing....

and I have the best friends who listen & constantly support me.

I have though experienced moments of feeling absolutely useless & totally out of my depth.

That I've failed....

So far, I have always felt very competent & comfortable as a mother and so those feelings have been both unnerving & unsettling.

Up until now, I've always felt that I knew what I was doing....

now I'm not so sure.

Everything passes though....

Every day I learn something new.

Every day is a step forward.

Often as a parent, you just have to feel your way & hope that you are doing it right and going in the right direction.

You can't always know, there aren't any signposts and everyone's situation is different.

And when you arrive, there isn't anyone waiting there with a sign reading : 

"well done, you made all the right choices & this is exactly where you are meant to be"....

you just have to hope you did the right thing.

Parenting - and Being Grown Up - is not for the faint-hearted, that's for sure!

And so, I am going to bribe ask my children to answer the questions above....

and hope for answers that are honest/interesting/amusing/intriguing/thought-provoking

and, if I'm honest, will make me feel just a little bit better about the job I am doing right now.

Happy Week-end.....

Mozzarella, Pesto, Arugula, and Parmesan Bruschetta

Coughs, colds, snow, sleet & very cold weather....

that's my London week in a nutshell!

A little sunshine this morning was all that we needed to grab our things & head for town

....a walk by the river, lunch at Borough Market & a little exploring.

Have a great week-end!!

Some lovely links for you....

delicious coconut cloud cake (as seen above)

an extremely cool Swedish family home

a beautiful nursery for a little girl

the most beautiful Italian wedding

anniversaries/marriage/relationship - a great post from the heart

a gorgeous Swedish attic apartment, so fabulously decorated

some words of wisdom, "the greatest challenge"